Monday, March 24, 2008


"Something is about to give,

I can feel it coming,

I think I know what it is,

I'm not afraid to die,

I'm not afraid to live,

and when I'm flat on my back,

I think I know what it is."

The above lines have been shamelessly lifted from a song by my favorite band of all time, U2. The song is named "Kite". It's about letting go of somebody you don't want to let go of. Could be a lover, could be a father, could be a friend, could be anyone. I took a day off from work today to recharge my batteries. To get out of the rut of everyday life. And, what a day it has been! I got up pretty late, about 9 am, having dreamt of my life thus far.

I dreamt of my school. I remembered my first day there. I still remember it very vividly. The first day at that hallowed institution is something that can’t be easily forgotten by anyone who’s studied there. I thought of the great friends I’ve made there, Guys who’ll stand by me for life, Guys I’ll stand by for life. I can’t start naming people here because it’ll take forever and a half to get them all! Indians, and foreigners alike, they’ve all contributed to shaping me. They all are responsible for what I am today. And amazingly, I dreamt of each and everyone and everything that I have ever encountered in school. Thanks for the memories, guys. Good ones, not so good ones J. Thanks for sticking by me all these years.

That was my first dream sequence. And then I slept again in the afternoon, post-lunch. And then I don’t know why I dreamt of my Kodachadri trip. Now, not going into facts, but dreams are normally weird. So, I dreamt of me climbing the Kodachadri peak. The strange part of it was that to a large extent, the detail was accurate. I dreamt of being drenched even while we got to our starting point, which was true, I dreamt of climbing the terrain being washed by rain over and over again, which was again true. But the funny part was that the guys who had taken the trip, they were kinda different. Their appearance in the trek was totally out of context. Totally weird! Can’t imagine how funny it was then! It was a great trip though, and that’s why I dreamt of it. It was a great learning experience. It was the first time in my life that I really was drenched for an entire day! Now, for an urban lad like me, that is quite something to write home about. The trek taught me to not give up at any cost. It taught me that no matter what, a peak is there to be climbed. That no matter what turns up, unexpectedly or expectedly, it has to be dealt with. There is no way out. And when you do finish it, there’s no feeling that can be compared with it. Life for me has been like that trek, of sorts. The leeches that kept getting into my shoes were like the little thoughts and doubts, meaningless at the time, but which slowly suck on the flesh and draw strength from the body. These thoughts are to be removed at the bud. And one must move on, strongly and resolutely so that the fewest of these thoughts percolate through the clothes to the skin. And those leeches that do, must be removed by means of a sharp knife, or be taken with a pinch of salt, which removes them.

I hate to be preachy, but I end up being that a lot of the time, and I’m sure my friends hate that in me! Getting back to my dreams. I got down to writing this entry only in the evening. Having lazed about all day, I guess I have realized that I can’t live without sitting at the computer for a few minutes at least. So, here I am! Gotta go grab a bite now. It’s getting late, and I don’t like a late dinner. (No, there’s no philosophy in that, it’s just a habit.)

Monday, March 10, 2008


A friend of mine recently discussed the topic of Life and Death with me over lunch. Well, initially we both agreed on the concept of Soul. Tried hard to define it, but eventually couldn't decide whether it's a physical entity or a conceptual one. Went on to have lunch, and then a thought struck. Balance. I attempted at foregoing the concept of Soul completely to go with the Zen philosophy of Balance. I put forth my view that the an entity lives because of the balance between the factors that
a) try to keep one alive (positive)
b) try to kill the body (negative)
The first factor keeps the second factor subdued and one lives. In a state of Coma, Sleep, or Meditation, the positive and negative energies are just a hair's breadth apart and so one remains in non-consciousness in any of the three states. The brain sends out signals to the body to maintain its internal functioning, but it's only enough to keep one remaining alive.
Well, Sleep and Soul are two things that nobody can ever understand or define. They remain two of the greatest mysteries known to mankind. I believe that the concept of Balance can somehow explain those two mysteries.
So, coming back to our lunch-time conversation, we concluded the discussion by wondering how many of us really worried about the Balance in our lives. The Balance of having friends and being wary of our foes, the Balance of a Work Life and a Personal Life, and God knows how many other balances. We live our lives, spending time worrying about our project deadlines, stuff that we're gonna buy over the weekend, the next party we're gonna go to, the next alcohol/nicotine/dope/sex induced high, food, money, power, love, hate and many other things. And I believe now that thinking about these things is what makes us human.